No Sun Shining Through
by FortitudoPhoenixo
Summary: Sam's falling apart. Lucifer won't leave him alone. The memories are coming back. And to top it all off, Dean is nowhere to be found.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note:** Hey all! This will be my first posted story. It's been kicking around on my laptop for a while now and I've finally found the courage to post it. So let me know what you think! Constructive criticism is always welcome :)

Story title is from Metallica - The Unforgiven II

**Disclaimer:** I (sadly) do not own Supernatural.

**Summary:** Sam's falling apart. Lucifer won't leave him alone. The memories are coming back. And to top it all off, Dean is nowhere to be found.

* * *

><p>Sam jerked awake, opening his eyes to darkness. Breathing hard, he sat up and put his head in his hands. <em>Just a dream<em>, he reminded himself. _It's over. I'm not in the pit anymore_.  
>"Oh Sammy boy, it's far from over." Sam jerked, eyes widening as he looked around in the darkness. "Over here." His head swivelled until he saw a dark figure standing in the moonlit window.<p>

"You're not real." Sam said determinedly. His voice wavered a bit. His heart was pounding in his chest.  
>"You sure about that?"<br>Sam bowed his head again, rocking slightly. "Not real, not real, not real," he chanted.

"You know, we had so much _fun_ together…" Lucifer mused. The shadow shifted and straightened from where it had been leaning against the windowsill. Sam watched it out of the corner of his eye, a shiver involuntarily running down his spine.  
>"Not real, not real, not real,"<br>"You should have stayed Sam. We would have had a lot more fun. All the slicing. The cutting… And best of all, the _screaming_."  
>"Not real, not real," Sam's voice was barely a whisper. He looked up as Lucifer approached him. Resisting the urge to flee. Forcing his trembling body to remain still.<p>

He was holding a knife.

Sam's breath caught in his throat. He knew that knife.

Vivid memories of hours upon hours of being slowly cut to pieces with _that very knife_ invaded his mind. A whimper escaped his lips and he scrambled off the other side of the bed, away from the devil. Lucifer ran a finger along the blade. "You remember." He stated.  
>Sam felt his panic rising. He needed to stop this. "You're not real!" he cried out. "Dean?" He called desperately.<br>"Dean's not here Sam."  
>Sam's looked over at his brother's bed and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw a mound of blankets.<br>"No Sam. Just blankets."  
>Sam shook his head. "Dean?" He reached for the lamp and flipped it on.<p>

Sam cringed when he saw Lucifer's pockmarked face. "Not real," he murmured to himself. "Not anymore."  
>He looked at Dean's bed. Lucifer was between Sam and his brother. Sam froze. The devil hadn't been lying. Dean's bed was empty. Just a pile of blankets. He glared at Lucifer. "What'd you do to Dean?"<br>"Nothing Sam. How could I do anything? I'm not real, _remember?_" he leered.  
>Sam shook his head, trying to clear it. His heart was pounding. <em>Where was Dean?<em>

Sam's gaze roamed from the door to the devil standing across from him. Would he let him by? He took a step forward. Lucifer mirrored his movement, stepping towards the end of the bed. He fingered the knife carefully. "I always keep it clean," he mused. Sam shivered but stood his ground.  
>"You're not real." He repeated.<br>Lucifer sighed. "And I thought we were done with that..." Another sigh. "Sam, Sam, Sam… How many times do I need to tell you? I'm here for you. I'm just as real as you are. And I'm not going anywhere." Lucifer offered a broad smile. "So get used to it kiddo." As if to prove his point, he snapped his finger and the lamp went out with a _pop_, plunging the room into darkness once again.

Sam shook his head again, trying to clear it. He rubbed at the bandage on his hand. The sharp pain was often enough to make the devil go away. He closed his eyes for a moment and pressed a thumbnail under the bandage. He felt blood well up and let go with a quiet gasp. Slowly, he opened his eyes. Nothing. The devil was gone. He sighed in relief and relaxed, shoulders slumping slightly. He focused on slowing his erratic breathing.  
>A breath tickled his ear. "Boo."<p>

At the quiet voice, Sam jumped a foot in the air. He spun quickly and found Lucifer standing beside him, a smug smile on his face. He panted as he backed away, rubbing at his hand frantically. The pain was there. So why wasn't Lucifer gone? Lucifer took a step forward, knife in hand. Sam stepped back, eyes glued to the knife. "Such good times we had…" The devil said. "Don't you miss it?" he leered. Sam backed up until his back hit the wall. His eyes were wide with fear, and his palm was raw and bloody from where he was pressing against the cut. The bandage had come off and fallen to the floor so it was bleeding freely.

"Ahh Sammy. Do you really think you can escape me?" Suddenly the devil lunged with the knife and Sam fell to the ground, his back hitting the wall. He scrambled away until he was wedged into the corner. In his mind he could see the many times that Lucifer had done this to him. He could still feel the white-hot pain of the blade cutting into his flesh. He remembered the agony as blood welled. Knowing that if he weren't in Hell he'd be dead by now… But there had been no escape. And he knew there wasn't going to be one now.

Sam curled in on himself, hiding his face and rocking slowly. What if this was real? What if this was just another game? He'd done that so many times. Let Sam believe he was free. He'd really believed it this time. He thought he'd been with Dean again. Thought he'd had his big brother back.

Sam was stupid.

So, so stupid.

How could he have ever thought that Lucifer would let him go?

He was never going to escape.


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note:** This is part 2 of 3. Third part to be uploaded soon.

**Disclaimer:** I (sadly) do not own Supernatural.

**Summary:** Sam's falling apart. Lucifer won't leave him alone. The memories are coming back. And to top it all off, Dean is nowhere to be found.

* * *

><p><em>Sam curled in on himself, hiding his face and rocking slowly. What if this was real? What if this was just another game? He'd done that so many times. Let Sam believe he was free. He'd really believed it this time. He thought he'd been with Dean again. Thought he'd had his big brother back.<em>

_Sam was stupid._

_So, so stupid._

_How could he have ever thought that Lucifer would let him go?_

_He was never going to escape._

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><p><strong>CHAPTER TWO<strong>

Dean whacked the machine when it refused to give him his pop. "Stupid freakin' vending machines," he muttered. He hit it again and was satisfied when the bottle dropped to the bottom with a clang. He looked around himself. It was dark still. The moon was only three quarters full – so there was no worrying about werewolves – but it was still bright. He twisted the lid and took a sip of the cool drink.

He figured he'd hang out here until he felt like he could sleep again. No sense in waking Sam. Kid was getting his first good night's sleep in a long while. He hadn't even screamed once throughout the night. Dean smiled a bitter smile. Sleep used to let them get away from all of this for a while. Now it was simply a necessity. They slept just enough to keep themselves going. Just enough to recharge, and hopefully wake before the nightmares began. They both had nightmares now. Though Dean was managing, now that he had his Sammy back. He worried about his brother though. He knew Sam was having a rough go of it. He could see his own haunted look reflected in his brother's eyes.

He leaned back against the wall and took another sip of his drink. His gaze drifted to the Impala, sitting outside their room. She gleamed in the moonlight and a real smile grace Dean's features. All those hours. Thousands upon thousands of miles he'd put on her. And he never tired of driving her. _She_ was his one true escape now. He could drive mindlessly. He could escape everything for a while. He didn't think. He just drove. She was safe. He knew Sam slept better with the rumbling of her engine as background noise. He did too. She was familiar. She was home.

He shook his head, knowing that if Sam could hear his thoughts he'd never hear the end of it. _Must be tired,_ he thought to himself. '_S'time to head back to bed._ He decided. He needed his sleep. He had a long way to drive tomorrow. And he wasn't sure he trusted Sam behind the wheel at this point. Not with him seeing the damned _devil_ everywhere… Dean closed his eyes for a moment. Their lives were so messed up.

SPN SPN SPN

Sam's body shook as a sob hitched out of his throat. His head was buried in his knees. His hands protecting the back of his neck from the knife. He hated the waiting. He knew Lucifer was there. Knew he was waiting to cut him. To end the game.

Sometimes it was a relief when the game ended. But not this time. This time, Sam had truly believed it. Sam wanted to stay. He remained curled pathetically on the floor for what seemed like an eternity. Then Lucifer spoke. "Sammy." Sam ignored him. "Sam." The voice was insistent. "Look at me Sam. You know I like it when you watch."  
>A whimper escaped Sam's lips but he didn't move.<p>

"SAM!" The voice roared. The young hunter jumped in fear but still refused to look. Tears leaked out of his eyes as he trembled. He didn't want to see the devil's eyes. Didn't want to see the cold joy in them. The disturbing iciness that plagued his nightmares. He closed his eyes and focused on getting enough air into his lungs.

SPN SPN SPN

Dean stood for a few moments, enjoying the peace. Sam was sleeping peacefully, there were no demons to kill, and no leviathans in sight. He savoured the moment. The only thing missing was pie…

With a sigh, Dean pushed off of the wall and walked slowly back to their room. He paused to pat his baby on the hood. He couldn't wait to get behind her wheel again. Blast some Metallic. Maybe some Zeppelin… Or AC/DC. Sam didn't usually mind AC/DC. Dean unlocked the motel room and paused in the doorway, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness. He frowned as he heard a gasping sound. Had Sam had another nightmare?

His eyes adjusted and he realized that his brother's bed was empty. Panic crept into his chest. "Sammy?" He called. He heard a choked sob coming from the other side of the room. Without even pausing to flick on the light; he made his way past the beds, going to check the bathroom. He stopped when he spotted his brother.

Sam was curled up in the corner of the room, arms above his head. He was shaking silently and gasping uncontrollably. He was hyperventilating.

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><p><strong>AN:** Thanks for reading! And please review, I'd love to know what you think! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note:** Part 3 of 3 uploaded. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I (sadly) do not own Supernatural.

**Summary:** Sam's falling apart. Lucifer won't leave him alone. The memories are coming back. And to top it all off, Dean is nowhere to be found.

* * *

><p><em>Dean stood for a few moments, enjoying the peace. Sam was sleeping peacefully, there were no demons to kill, and no leviathans in sight. He savoured the moment. The only thing missing was pie…<em>

_With a sigh, Dean pushed off of the wall and walked slowly back to their room. He paused to pat his baby on the hood. He couldn't wait to get behind her wheel again. Blast some Metallic. Maybe some Zeppelin… Or AC/DC. Sam didn't usually mind AC/DC. Dean unlocked the motel room and paused in the doorway, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness. He frowned as he heard a gasping sound. Had Sam had another nightmare?_

_His eyes adjusted and he realized that his brother's bed was empty. Panic crept into his chest. "Sammy?" He called. He heard a choked sob coming from the other side of the room. Without even pausing to flick on the light; he made his way past the beds, going to check the bathroom. He stopped when he spotted his brother._

_Sam was curled up in the corner of the room, arms above his head. He was shaking silently and gasping uncontrollably. He was hyperventilating._

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><p><strong>CHAPTER THREE<strong>

"Sam!" Dean knelt down next to his brother. He touched his shoulder gently and tried not to feel hurt as his brother flinched away from the touch. "S'okay Sam, I'm right here. It's not real. You're not there anymore. You're with me, remember?" He soothed, rubbing Sam's shoulder gently. "C'mon man, come back,"

When he received no response, Dean shook his brother. "Sam!" He tried to pull his brother's arms away from his head, frowning when his hand came back slicked with blood and Sam refused to budge. "Sam I need you to look at me!" His brother's breathing came faster and his body tensed even more. "You need to breathe dude, calm down! It's okay! You're okay, you're okay, Sammy, you're safe," Dean continued talking, becoming more and more frantic as his brother remained unresponsive.

SPN SPN SPN

Sam jerked when he felt the devil touch him. He heard his name being called again and for a moment, he wanted to respond. But his heart sank as he realized that it wasn't really Dean. It was just Lucifer. It had always been Lucifer. A sob escaped his throat. He wished he could die. He felt the blood dripping down his arm from his hand and wished it was enough. Wished he could lose consciousness and never wake again. But what if the nightmares still came?

He felt himself being shaken. "Sam!" Dean's voice called his name. _Not Dean. Not real_. The shaking became more insistent. Trying to pull Sam's arms away from his head. His breathing sped up. He resisted until the hands went away. He heard Dean begging him to calm down.

It went on for what felt like an eternity. Sam was getting frustrated. How long until the devil tired of this game? He already knew it wasn't Dean. Why couldn't he just leave him alone?

SPN SPN SPN

Dean was panicking. What if he couldn't get Sam to snap out of it? What if he went comatose again? Dean knew he couldn't bear to lose his brother again. "Sam," he begged desperately. "Please Sammy; just look at me, please?" He shook him again. Dean felt a sudden tightness in his chest. It had been nearly ten minutes he'd been trying to get Sam to respond to him. Nothing. An incredible wave of sadness nearly paralyzed him before he shook his head sharply. "Sam," he growled. "I am _not_ losing you again. Look at me, dammit!"

SPN SPN SPN

Sam was fed up. Scared as he was, frustration was quickly overtaking the fear. Lucifer had shaken him, yelled at him and begged him. All in Dean's voice. He had it down perfectly. Sam was almost convinced. Again. But enough was enough. This game needed to end.  
>"Stop it!" he cried suddenly, raising his head. "Just leave me alone! I know it's not real! Dean's not here," His voice broke and his head bowed. "Just stop… Please, just… I've had enough." Lucifer even looked exactly like Dean.<p>

"Sam…" Dean's gruff voice was quiet. "It's me Sam. Really. It's not Lucifer. Lucifer is gone. He's still in the pit. This is real Sam." He grabbed his brother's injured hand. "Remember? Remember this?" He squeezed the bloody mess. "This hurts, doesn't it? _This_ is what is real. I'm real. You're real. Lucifer is not. He's not here. He's not real."

Sam stared at his brother, wishing desperately that he could believe him. His eyes closed again and he shook his head. "Not real," he whispered, a tear leaking down his face.  
>"Sam," Dean's voice was so filled with pain that Sam opened his eyes again. Green eyes met his own. "Please Sam, just trust me on this. I'm real. I'm here with you right now. We're going to see Bobby later, remember? Please Sam,"<br>Sam shook his head violently. "Not real," he repeated.

Dean stood up abruptly. Sam watched with a vague curiosity as he rummaged through his bag. Was the game finally over? Dean pulled a bottle out of his bag and came towards Sam, opening it as he did so. Without warning, he seized Sam's hand and poured the liquid over the cut. Sam gasped out loud, eyes widening at the pain. "This is real Sam," Dean said softly.

Sam cradled his burning hand, looking down at it. He looked around quickly, his mind suddenly clearer. Lucifer wasn't here. But Dean was still crouched in front of him, looking at him worriedly. Sam nodded slowly. "You with me?" asked Dean.  
>"Yeah…" Sam muttered dazedly. "I… I'm sorry Dean," he said sadly.<br>"Nothing to be sorry for Sam. Now c'mon, let's get you off'a the floor."  
>Dean pulled Sam to his feet, supporting his limp, exhausted weight until he hefted him onto the bed. "He was never here."<br>"No Sam, he wasn't."  
>Sam nodded.<p>

"It was you."  
>"What?"<br>"You… You were trying to convince me it was real. But it was really you. It wasn't… It wasn't fake-you." Sam sounded confused and childish.  
>A slight smile. "Yeah Sam, it was me." Sam's eyes closed again. In exhaustion this time, not fear. Dean pulled the covers over him. "Get some sleep man. I'm not going anywhere."<br>"Mhmm." Sam agreed. "Don't h've to stay…" he mumbled, even as his hand gripped Dean's arm tightly.  
>"Don't worry about it." Dean settled himself against the headboard next to his brother, letting him keep the death grip he had on Dean's arm.<p>

Sam relaxed quickly, his breathing slowing, automatically synchronizing with Dean's. It was something they'd done in the months since Sam had become _Sam_ again. Done it over and over again until it had become habit. Reassuring themselves that the other was okay. Sam's eyes remained closed as his breathing evened out completely. Soon he was snoring softly as Dean sat beside him, keeping a weary watch. He wouldn't sleep. He needed to watch over his brother. He wasn't going to let him have another nightmare tonight.

Dean looked down at the hand still gripping his arm tightly. He knew he'd have bruises in the morning. But it didn't matter. He almost welcomed it.

They were real.

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><p><strong>AN:** A special thanks goes out to UnderneathTheBunker and BloodyRosie! Thank you for taking the time to review, it's great to know people are enjoying the story :)


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